I am feeling it down deep in my bones, that kind of feeling that you just can’t shake.  And because summertime only comes once a year and only 81 times in ones average lifetime and because my Coby is nearly halfway to 30 and I don’t want to miss a minute [...]]]> You see.

I am feeling it down deep in my bones, that kind of feeling that you just can’t shake.  And because summertime only comes once a year and only 81 times in ones average lifetime and because my Coby is nearly halfway to 30 and I don’t want to miss a minute more and he has three younger brothers too that are growing up, up, up right before my very eyes and because I am one of those lucky mom’s that, for now atleast, gets to be home with her kids. 

Because all that stuff and a million reasons more.

Like…I want to read more.  Like the Bible, for instance.  It is alive and it changes lives and I want to feel alive and be changed.  And the 87 books I have on my list to read.  The “raising boys the right way” books, the “how to live fully no matter what, where, when, and who books”, the “fix me or I just might go out of my mind books”, the “Taste of Home” magazines that still have the cellophane wrapped around them as if I don’t like the taste of home at all and I actually love to taste anything that reminds me of home, all the “Kate Morton” books and “Francine Rivers” books they have ever written, and Poetry books even because who doesn’t love to cry through a good poem, and  Anne of Green Gables because well… it’s just been too long.

And I want to write more.  And scrapbook my boys pictures more.  And learn how to plant a flower outside and maybe even keep it alive.  And take bike rides more and go swimming more and cook new recipes more and be available to my family more.

Because what if this was it?

What if.

What if this was my last summer to wake up each morning and not have to rush off to work?

What if this was my last summer to lay down my plans and jump on board with their plans?  Those wild, crazy, fun-loving, adventure-seeking, smelly-footed boys.

What if I blink and one of them gets a job next summer?

And what if all those other things that we Dare. Not. Even. Speak.

What if?

And because with one click on a picture or the 10-seconds it takes for me to read a new status update – and because that’s all it takes for my focus to go completely onto someone else’s blessings and perhaps even start missing my own.  And because you can only count one person’s blessings at a time and who wants to miss their very own, “made-by-HIM-just-for-you” blessings?  And especially because 5 minutes can turn ever so suddenly into 45 and because some things you just were better off not knowing anyway.

Because all that.

And because time is not waiting for me to catch up and because I need less distractions and because I want a fresh start this summer.   Because I want to go back to the days of 1992 where if I wanted to know what my friend was doing or how she was doing, I dialed her number or invited her over.  Because when I look at her pictures and hear about her vacation, I want her to tell me about it face-to-face.  Because I miss that.  Because I want to see her at Target or at the pool and not already know what she had for supper last night.

Just for the summer. 

Because I have real-live boys with real-live hearts beating strong and boys only need their mommies home with them in the summers for such a short time.  And I want to “write” on the walls of their hearts while I still have the chance.  And I want to “poke” them and “request their friendship” every single day and love them and even “like” them too.  Real life stuff is what I want.

Just for the summer.

I don’t want them to remember me scrolling through facebook.  I don’t want them to watch my happy face disappear with the click of a button.  I don’t want them forever glued to their ipods and instagram and textplus and they learn from their teachers and I am their summer teacher and they are watching what I do.

So just for the summer.

I am going on a vacation far away from facebook.  I will miss really big things in your life – and I don’t want too.  I like to hear about your really big things so come visit and we can get to know each other the old-fashioned way.  We just might “like” it.  And it might be the best vacation I ever took.

Summer Vacation:  14 days away…

just for the summer…

I woke up hot and cold at the same time and even though no part of my body wanted to move from my bed, I knew the bathroom was the only safe place for me to be.  It was one of those times where you [...]]]> It was 2:30am on Tuesday. 

I woke up hot and cold at the same time and even though no part of my body wanted to move from my bed, I knew the bathroom was the only safe place for me to be.  It was one of those times where you have to make that crazy decision of which end you’d rather clean up off the floor.  

I know.  Gross. 

I crawled back into bed about 40 minutes later and he just said, “Well.  That didn’t sound so good.” 

I think it goes back to the stromboli I made on Sunday.  Ever since I pulled that long stringy piece of casing off of my pepperoni slice, I just haven’t been able to get it out of my mind. 

See. 

When I was a little girl, I had a bad experience with bologna.  Ya know – that cheap Oscar Meyer stuff.  I ate my entire sandwich and then discovered I had a string of something still in my mouth.  I began to pull it and well.  It. Just. Didn’t. Quit.  It was the entire strip of casing, all still in one piece, being pulled from the deep cavern at the bottom of my throat up to the light of day.  It clearly scarred me. 

See.

I have a phobia of gagging and vomiting.  I don’t do it unless I absolutely have no other choice, which has only been the case about 8 times.

And seeing all that deli meat in the stromboli and then that casing stuff.  Well.

So I did only what I had to do on Tuesday (which unfortunately, for the world, I had to leave my cave 3 times that day) and crawled in my bed all those moments in between.  Yesterday I was better but still not normal. 

I know this because my boys went to the dentist yesterday and had no cavities!  So…how do you celebrate no cavities??  With sugar of course!  So, we drove through Sonic and ordered peanut butter cup milkshakes.  And I could NOT have been less tempted.  This is when I knew I was still not normal.

Today should be better for me – I just ate Raisin Bran.  Surely that will want to stay inside me and nourish my body.  Surely. 

However.

Coby collapsed while eating his breakfast today.  And when I say collapsed, I mean collapsed.  His brothers had a hard time not laughing but I gave them the evil stink eye.  He was sitting at the table and then he said, “Mom” and I looked and he was pasty gray and down he went.  Like a bag of hammers.  He has now moved from the kitchen floor to his bed, with a black and white checkered cool dishcloth above his brows.  Poor guy.  I hope it’s not what I had.

But on a much brighter note, I am glad some things came back.  Like, for example,   Jack Bauer!!!  I heard about this on Monday night.  Other than Little House on the Prairie, 7^th Heaven, and Downton Abby…I rarely watch T.V.  But “24” – oh how we loved that show!  I believe he is not making his grand appearance until next June – but June 2014 is better than June 2073.  Because let’s face it, “if you woke up this morning it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.”

“The following takes place between 8am and 9am:”  Heidi stops blogging and takes care of her pasty gray boy.  (and if you didn’t understand any of this ending – you really need to watch “24”)

Enjoy your day!  (and may all your deli meat be without stringy casing)

When you go through the agony of waiting in line [...]]]> When that pasty white, red-lipped, glassy eyed, beautiful angel is placed in your arms and you are completely smitten and in love and can’t even remember 5 minutes ago because was there even life before this moment anyway?…you are a mommy.

When you go through the agony of waiting in line at Sears and plan your whole week around scheduling the photo appointment at that one perfect moment after they’ve just eaten but aren’t still puking and before they get too tired so they don’t just cry, all so you can capture that perfect moment of your 2-month old’s life for an 8 by 10 frame to stick on top of your piano…you are a mommy.

When your 4 and ½ minute shower with the baby strapped in the car-seat right outside the curtain (probably crying) and your toddler in a pack-n-play with enough cheerios and milk to keep him occupied for atleast 3 and ½ minutes becomes your only alone time…you are a mommy.

When you look forward to Clifford the Big Red Dog and find yourself wondering where Dora might be exploring this afternoon and if Swiper is going to swipe…you are a mommy.

When you follow that big yellow school bus down the road and into the school parking lot, just in case, and the whole way there you keep turning on the windshield wipers to try and clear your vision because you just watched your heart walk up those 3 little steps of that great big bus and you’re not sure you were cut out for this because where did your baby go anyway…you are a mommy.

When you tuck them in at night and they look right into your eyes and down deep into your soul and tell you “I love you more” and hug your neck and make you feel things you never thought you could feel and they don’t let go until you gently start to move away and you wish time would stop as you sit there on their bed and run your fingers through their hair and tell them how happy you are because you get to be their mommy…you are a mommy.

When they tell you about a party that is going on and how they hope they are invited and then they are not and you tell them it’s okay because everyone feels left out sometimes and that it will all be okay and please don’t feel bad and really you feel like running away with them and protecting them forever from this big, crazy, unfair world where you just.can’t.fix.everything….you are a mommy.

And when they break their wrist, or skin their knee, or need stitches on their chin for the 2^nd time that year, and you wish it was you that was hurting instead of them because that would be far easier for you to handle then watching them try not to cry…you are a mommy.

When you go to their basketball game and the stands are full and everyone is cheering and then you catch that teenage boys eye across the court just minutes before it’s his turn to go back in and play and he gives you that smile and your heart melts right out of your body and all over the bleachers…you are a mommy.

When they are 7 and ask you if they can marry you someday because you are the only girl they want to live with and you know that in just a few short years they will realize there are other girls out there that they just might want to consider as well and you’ll have to be okay with that but it’s hard…you are a mommy.

And when you wake up one day and your 4 little babies are becoming big, strong, courageous men right before your very eyes and you didn’t even get the chance to read them one last bedtime story, and build one more Lego tower, and color one more Spiderman picture, and swim in the baby pool one last sunny afternoon and you know that it’s going to be okay because as long as you are alive they will always be your sweet little boys and you will love them so much it hurts, and no matter the distance or their shoe size or even their choices…you have known love at its fullest because you have known those boys.  And God loves them even more than you do and the very fact that he allowed you to be their mom is all the proof you need to know just how much He loves you too.

Happy Mothers Day to each and every one of you and try hard not to blink this weekend.  You are a treasure!

I know this because my family is sunburned, broke, heavier, and extremely, notably, crazy, over-the-top tired. 

It was a really great weekend though.  The sun shone ever so brightly – so brightly that all my boys have red necks, cute little freckles popping out on their [...]]]> Dutchfest is over. 

I know this because my family is sunburned, broke, heavier, and extremely, notably, crazy, over-the-top tired. 

It was a really great weekend though.  The sun shone ever so brightly – so brightly that all my boys have red necks, cute little freckles popping out on their noses, and very chapped lips.  The Avon Lady at the craft fair must’ve done really well because everyone I saw was walking around with a new chapstick.  Caleb got his face painted like a sick-ish looking clown, Cameron won a new basketball at the hot-shot contest, Coby drank two milkshakes in two hours because nobody told him he couldn’t, and Connor won 3 goldfish. 

I know this because my crystal bowl that I got as a wedding gift from my college roommate named Crystal is now housing these 3 little fish.  Here is a picture of our new pets.

I was not extremely, notably, crazy, over-the-top thrilled with this prize. 

Here are a few reasons why.

1. Last summer we bought the boys some hermit crabs at the beach. 

(And ALL the stuff they needed for survival.) 

(Which is a lot more stuff than you are probably imagining.) 

And one of those little crabs never even made it across the border to PA.  He (or she) (we never were completely sure) passed in the van while still in N.J.  The other two lived something like two weeks.

And.

2. When I was a child, I had a goldfish.

Until.

Until the day my mom was vacuuming the den and knocked the fishbowl off the windowsill with her elbow and before she could stop herself, vacuumed up my flip-floppin’ goldfish right up the Electrolux to eternity.

I never even had a chance to say goodbye.

So.

I’m not a fan of pets in general but especially little fish and crabs who die unexpectedly before you even get to really know them.

And.

3. We are still grieving the loss of our sweet bunnies.  A terrible, terrible thing happened to them one night – too terrible to write about even.   They were the nicest bunnies in the whole world, well two of them anyway.  Sally never really warmed up to us like Puffer and ButterCup did.  But still.  It was a tragic death and it’s been two years and I miss their floppy ears and I still need a little more time.

However, Connor really likes his new free fishies that are swimming in my crystal bowl wedding gift from Crystal.  It’s been 3 days and they are really thriving.  Perhaps we are turning the corner of our bad pet luck years and maybe, just maybe, these little fella’s will be with us for many years to come. 

Or maybe we are not turning that corner. 

Because at supper tonight, the conversation went something like this:

Dad:  “Connor, how much money would someone have to give you to eat one of those fish?”

Connor:  with NO hesitation as if he had already thought about this, “definitely $400 for one.  If it is grilled.”

Coby:  “I would need a million dollars at least.”

Murray:  “All I know is that I would definitely do it for $10,000.  Heidi, what about you?”

Me:  “I really don’t know, I’m sorry.  You are all very strange.”

Murray:  “I mean, just think about it, if you ate one of those fish, we could all go to Hawaii for vacation.”

And that’s what I’m talking about.  These new little pets better not blink because if somebody offers us a trip to Hawaii if we eat our pets – Murray has already decided he’s doing it.